Change my name number and run

I awoke uneasy and restless with the overwhelming feeling that every aspect of my life is wrong. It’s as though I have been cast in a role I am so unqualified and unsuited for the only option is to run away. I wonder how many of those around me see the fraud I am, how many have picked up on my misquoted lines the way I stumble through each scene. I’m sinking; the responsibilities set up to keep me in place are holding me so tightly I can barely breathe. I want to change my number, to change my name. If my bank balanced allowed I would be gone; I dream of states and countries where no one knows my name, where no one has any idea of who I am or who they expect me to be.

I wish I could say I am a stranger to this restless feeling however the truth is we are old acquaintances. It follows me around hiding in the shadows waiting until I foolishly forget its presence only to completely envelope me with the desire to run. Only this time I have nowhere to run, the option of running between states dissolved when my mother moved back here, and now I find myself with car repayments and a room to rent; I am grounded. I know the feeling will pass I only wonder what it will take to make it do so. Will it pass on its own or will it take a dramatic change on my part for the restless monster to be satisfied.

I feel lost my world is shaky and my breath is shallow; changes must be made I just need to decide what.

6 thoughts on “Change my name number and run

    1. She was (23). Long (brown) hair, voluptuous in the good way, very smart, the kind of girl that goes back and forth between overconfidence and crippling self-doubt. Sexually submissive and desperately fighting her submissive tendencies outside the bedroom, because that wouldn’t be feminist and all.

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