I wear my mother’s engagement ring as a reminder of their love. As a reminder that such love is possible for people like me.
I am my father’s daughter.
Growing up witness to a man whose love was so visibly strong and deep, who only had eyes for my mother; I found it hard to believe stories of his youth. His playboy ways; the three girlfriends he had at once or the way he could suddenly, completely lose interest and vanish from a woman’s life. At 27 he was already a father and a divorcee, after only four months of marriage. And then he met my mother. She berated him for smoking in front of his baby niece. She was harsh. She put him in his place and he loved her for it. He never stopped.
That’s why I’m not concerned with being single. That’s why I don’t go searching for my next boyfriend. I can easily sleep alone, but I cannot easily date someone who I am unsure about.
Now I am not saying it’s love at first sight, but when you get to know them you quickly realise they are a ‘game changer’. The ones who come into your life and flip everything upside down until suddenly, maybe having a boyfriend isn’t such a terrible idea after all. Maybe you could find time in your life for someone else.
(Of course it will take you months of saying you don’t want to put a label on it; before you finally cave and start calling them your boyfriend)
Call me picky if you like. Say I have unrealistic views on love all you want. But every man I have dated so far has been a game changer.
Before my last ex I was single for 3 years. Yes, there were men in that time, but none interesting enough to make me willing to give up my single status. And then he came along, disguised as a friend. His ease and cheekiness intrigued me.
It would be months before I realised my feelings for him and even longer before we would admit we were a couple. But that was it I was hooked, I no longer had eyes for anyone else.
I know what you’re thinking; it didn’t work, we broke up. But it’s not about the happily ever after. It’s about not jumping into a relationship just because you are scared of being alone. It’s even about loving yourself enough to say you are not going to settle for someone who is just ok.
“But he’s a really nice guy, all my friends like him. He’s perfect for me on paper so I really should like him. So why not give him a go?”
Your friends are not dating him. I don’t care if you are the only one left in your group that is single. Are you really going to date someone because you should, not because you want to?
I had to have this conversation with myself this week. Send me a cute boxer with an English accent and sometimes even I will forget that ‘shoulding’ yourself into anything is never a good idea.