I find it difficult to write about him as cliche as it sounds he’s unlike anyone I’ve really known.
No that’s hardly true. He is not a mythical creature, some dream boy who’s only flaw is perfection.
I’m sure he’s perfectly flawed, I am just yet to discover them. I wanted to be wary of his sweetness, of his doting affection. Finding myself unable to be so with my walls completely destroyed, so secure in his affection for me any rules of what I should be wary of have gone out the window. Although I hate to admit it I have found myself completely enclosed in ‘the love bubble’.
Glad for his 8 days on 6 days off roster I enjoy missing him, fearing otherwise I would dissolve into his affections. The words “when did I become this girl” are uttered so frequently from my lips it’s become my new catch phrase.
I’m sure you are familiar with the love bubble. If you haven’t experienced the euphoric haze for yourself, bring to mind a close friend who has just started dating someone they really like.
Suddenly they become a little less accessible to you. Days become filled with their new interest, and they always need to check if they have something planned before committing to any plans with you.
You want to get frustrated with them (and if their new partner is a douche you probably will and the have right to) but on the rare occasions when the love bubble is justified, when they have found someone who is finally deserving of their affections. You can’t help but be happy for them. You gently tease them when you discover they have developed a new smile, the way their face beams with love whenever they talk about them.
I never envied the love bubble. I never envied the personal jokes, the adoring glances and the unspoken understanding.
I used to pride myself on quoting Gabriel Gadfly “Do not fall in love with people like me we will take you to museums and parks and monuments and kiss you in every beautiful place so that you can never go back to them without tasting us like blood in your mouth.” I saw myself not as a woman to love and adore but to be wary of. That loving me would always mean loss and heartbreak because I could never be the prefect girlfriend. I was not made to be someone’s wife.
Mr friends-with-benefits used to claim that despite my all my arguments my nature showed I was meant to be in a relationship. That one day I would be the perfect wife.
Could he have been right after all? Was it that I just needed to find someone worthy of my affection to realize that maybe I could be a girlfriend, if it was his girlfriend.