It’s not you (but it actually is)

She is what you would call accomplished. Able to maintain a house on her own, work full time and manage two side businesses she is the epitome of style. Blessed with near perfect genetics her body is one to be envied. And yet she’s single.

This almost mythical beautiful creature, who you would expect to have men falling at her feet, has no one to warm her bed at night. Seemingly having a type she attracts the ‘emotionally unavailable’ men, the ones who claim that they are not ready for a girlfriend. Unlike so many before her she is patient and understanding.

 When they tell her they fear commitment instead of running as fast as she can in the opposite direction, she stays thinking that with time they will change their mind. That one day they will be ready for the love she has to give.

They do, and fast. However it’s not her love that changes their mind. Within weeks of claiming they don’t want a girlfriend suddenly they find themselves with one, but that girl that isn’t her.

A story many are familiar with; the all too common tale of the man who wasn’t ready to commit, only to commit to someone else a week or so after.

If women’s go to rejection line is “I have a boyfriend” men’s is “I don’t want a girlfriend.”

But can we blame them for their lack of honesty? I myself am guilty of such actions. Telling a man I was sleeping with I didn’t want a boyfriend when the truth was that I didn’t want him as a boyfriend.

In a world where it’s easier to hide behind the lack of wanting a label, then be honest with the person we are sleeping with. We are all just spouting our own versions of the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ line. Why is it that we can share our naked bodies with each other but we cannot be honest enough to admit that although we enjoy their company they are not the one?

While we fear hurting them with the truth we destroy them with our lies.

Even the most accomplished, beautiful women begin to question their worth when they see the man they care for commit to someone else.

 We forget the simple truth; not everyone you love will love you back. This does not make you unworthy of love. This truth does not make you any less amazing or desirable. It is heart breakingly simple. It’s not you and it’s not them, it’s just life and love. Sometimes for countless unexplainable reasons love does not blossom.

Maybe there won’t be any less broken hearts if we are honest why we don’t want to date someone. But just maybe the healing process will be faster and easier knowing the truth, instead of having it thrown in your face when you see them in the arms of someone else.

4 thoughts on “It’s not you (but it actually is)

  1. I just got this line the other day… Makes me sad to think that it could just be me! Honesty, even brutal honesty, at this point is better than just having me hold on for something that might never be there. Thanks for your post!!

    1. You’re welcome! It seems to be the common line used these days. When talking to my male best friend about it tonight he said “She could be the best girl in the world, but if it she doesn’t fit and it’s not right for you, you’re not going to try dating her. And saying you don’t want a relationship is the easiest option.” I think they need to know that above everything honesty is what we what, that they will not be vilified for not wantkng date someone.

  2. Very true! Though who knows, maybe the person delivering the line seriously doesn’t want a girlfriend… But circumstances change with the right person.

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